I’m sure as this blog continues, I will discuss more and more the concept of mental health. However, today I want to discuss veteran mental health. I had 2 tours to Iraq. The first one was a total of 15 months. We were an engineer unit and completed the road from southern to northern Iraq. I was in maintenance. I also drove the tow truck. I was no good at diagnosing the vehicle problems but I was a great parts changer. This tour was boring. We worked our 8 hours and then we were released to our air conditioned tents. I had no idea what to do with myself for that much time. I read more books in that 1 year than the rest of my life combined up to that point. Interestingly enough, it was hard once we got home. Sure we had gotten bombed one time. Our tents were surrounded with sandbags. The camps were surrounded by razor wire. We took our turns in the watch towers. But nothing ever happened. Not really. Why was it hard at home? Sitting in the church lobby watching people talk and laugh with their families like nothing was going on. But to them, nothing WAS going on. No sacrifice made. No trauma or family strain by deployments. Just living their lives. While yes, I had chosen this, there is so much unplanned. So much unknown. Feelings that one didn’t know existed. Like a person that chooses to get into a car to drive from point A to point B. That person knows the risks. Does that take away from the trauma of a tragic car accident? A persons life and the lives of loved ones can be changed.
My second tour however, was drastically different. It was about the same length of time. I also had earned a higher rank and was responsible for people. It was also different because it was voluntary. I volunteered because I knew the possibility of seeing action. I wanted to test myself and see what I was capable of. This tour came with all the heartache one can imagine. All the loss. It was a security forces mission. We were the guns for the civilian cargo. Roadside bombs, small arms fire, even a couple experiences with chlorine were among the journey. These experiences outside of base are one thing. Its another inside the base. I wish I could say it was just the women, but there are plenty of men that were victims as well. While our base got bombed several times a day, the true danger was the other soldiers inside the base.
I don’t remember the percentage of my comrades that got sent home from being wounded. It was a lot though. I was also very involved in the loss of our first comrade. These details can be read more about in Camron Wrights books In Times of Rain and War and the follow up booklet Saving Rachel McCally. As of this posting I am not an amazon affiliate.
This time going home was incredibly difficult. You leave parts of yourself on the other side of the world and return home with new parts. At home your surrounded by people that have no idea how to even relate to what you have been through. Some have family members of the deceased asking for details and yet, not believing them. We come home to a sugar coated society that wants to be traumatized by a lack of a certain creamer at the coffee shop. While we all get upset about the small things, myself included, it feels different when you just come home from watching your friend get severely injured from a roadside bomb.
In all of this (and I am leaving out a lot) there is a stigma that mental health practices are weak. The irony that instead of helping yourself, one should pick up alcoholism, refuse to leave the house, or even that abuse and anger show your strength. While Hollywood has done its best to portray life after coming home, it will never fully express the unsaid parts of us that were left in that big sand box, or the new parts that came home. It will never express the family that carries on while we are away hoping and praying that the phone that is ringing is you and not someone reporting on you. The knock on the door is a friend or salesman and not an unexpected visitor with bad news. I want to spread the message of hope for all that have missing or new pieces that need proper fitting. https://the-silent-survivors-project.ueniweb.com/ This is a link dedicated to you.